In hiding!

Friday, June 02, 2006

A world first? I dunno

Today I shall be reviewing... My new toothbrush. It's probably already been done before in Which? or something (could you check and let me know in the comments please - I'm sooo lazy today). It's one of these. Picking up the box, I vaguely remembered seeing the ad - a group of scientists stood around holding clipboards and talking, and then watching a dubious animation of a giant brush-head removing giant brown flakes (bran?) from inhumanly white teeth on a giant holographic screen. The future, eh? Or maybe it happens now and dentists are far more advanced than the rest of us? Who knows and, quite frankly, who cares? You know how even the crappy brushes today have a bunch of different bristles - medium blue ones at the edge, short green and medium white ones in the middle and dangerously long white ones at the tip? Add yellow rubber paddles into the mix and you have my new toothbrush. Well, kinda. It isn't a normal toothbrush, oh no, it has - TWO HEADS! They look like one, but they can move independantly as they are split down the middle. I'm sure that if I had been brought up with such technology, I would better be able to utilise it, but being used to single-headed brushes and all, any change in form is no doubt arbitrary at best. Those paddles are weird. Hinged to provide movement, they also have these blue rubber stoppers for one or both of two reasons; either they are to keep the paddle in place when brushing takes place, preventing them from sliding limply over one's molars with each passing brush, or they are to stop said paddles reaching in through the gaps in the teeth and causing terrible bleeding/brain damage. Your call, but I know which one I believe. The brush has an electric vibratey type function - living up to it's name ceremoniously - which is shockingly bad. It feels like a normal electric toothbrush bereft of the will to live, as you will be too (well, the will to live part, not the electric toothbrush. Presumably, I mean, who am I to judge?) if you bought expecting a work of dildonic insanity, 'MORE BEAST THAN BRUSH!' but it's actually rather crap once you press the big '+' button. Oh well. Despite all it's perplexing features and ineptitude, it cleans your teeth something fierce. I can't remember the last time mine were so clean. Therefore, I give it a deserved, 9/10. I think I may start reviewing everything now in my usual style. At least it'll give me something to blog about.
I've had a haircut (god damn I'm trendy) so I'm going to post some pictures I'll (hopefully) take tomorrow next week. Huzzah.


Blogger Glod said...

This is great shizz man. The two heads moving independtantly reminded me that I need to get my tongue split like eric the lizard man... or counselling, whatever.

3:27 PM

Blogger Paranoid Android said...

I'm going to see the college counsellor when we start year 13. I think I'm paranoid/depressive, and I probably have OCD too. FUN! Then again, maybe I have hypochondria...

9:42 PM

Blogger Azathoth said...

Your toothbrush scares mine. Guess I'm just old fashioned when it comes to dental appliances.
Good to see you posting again, had me worried there.

4:08 AM

Blogger aBitWicked said...

after reading this i think i dont have a good toothbrush... :(

post the pics with the new look

4:43 PM


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