CURSE YOU GOOGLE!!

I have just got my first googlewhack. Well, not really. You see, despite the words 'tetragrammaton arachnophobes' getting but one result, it doesn't know what the latter means. This, despite the definition provided for the single 'arachnophobe' containing the sentence, 'Arachnophobes will spare no effort to make sure that their whereabouts are spider-free'. So, the website that doesn't know what arachnophobes means, knows how to use the word, and does so? WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!?!?!?

Shoesies

I got some new shoes

And some new shoe laces

Pretty cool, eh?

I...

I AM glad at the way things have turned out, at the end of the day

I WANT to fulfill my potential (I know it's around here somewhere)

I WISH I could be a little less like I am and a little more like I'd like to be

I MISS the days before my grandfather got alzheimers

I WONDER what career I should go for

I REGRET not keeping in contact with Glod. We need to go to a renaissance fair, just like old times!

I AM NOT as good as you probably think I am

I DANCE like a monkey on LSD

I AM NOT ALWAYS the tolerant, left-wing kinda guy I think I am

I MAKE WITH MY HANDS because my toes are too short to be useful

I WRITE but not nearly as much as I think of writing

I CONFUSE just about everybody

I NEED to let it all out

I SHOULD get into this whole revising business. Seems to me like I'm missing out on something pretty important

I START when others miss their cue

I FINISH occasionally

I TAG everyone in the known universe, even if you don't want to be, and especially if you've already done this

The Dic

Read the part about Nintendo's new console. It's just one phallic reference after another.

Phone, you so broke

Today I threw my phone a good twenty feet skywards to see what would happen when it came into contact with the McArthur Glen Mansfield (even though it's closer to Derby) car park. It takes not an extravagant stretch of the imagination to conclude that it rather quickly became four smaller parts of a phone. The truly terrifying part came when it was reaching the apex of it's flight, as it slowed down and I realised that I was never going to catch that even if I tried really hard, and that I was never going to try really hard, or at all. It must have remained at the peak of it's journey for a good few minutes (oh, how the mind distorts) and the feeling of helplessness as it clacked onto the concrete pushed walls of fear into my stomach. I hastily ran to the scene of destruction and retrieved what remained of my phone. Then I rebuilt it. It was quite easy, but then I realised that the guard over the camera lens had dropped out, as had the button to make it be on or off. Fortunately, it looks a lot cooler now the camera is on full display and I should always have something with which I can turn it on or off. Which is good. The back doesn't come off as easily as it used to and it sometimes turns itself off. The '1' button doesn't always work, nor does the little joystick thingy. It's a bit scratched. Photos next week (parents in Prague so they took the camera with them, selfish commies)

A world first? I dunno

Today I shall be reviewing... My new toothbrush. It's probably already been done before in Which? or something (could you check and let me know in the comments please - I'm sooo lazy today). It's one of these. Picking up the box, I vaguely remembered seeing the ad - a group of scientists stood around holding clipboards and talking, and then watching a dubious animation of a giant brush-head removing giant brown flakes (bran?) from inhumanly white teeth on a giant holographic screen. The future, eh? Or maybe it happens now and dentists are far more advanced than the rest of us? Who knows and, quite frankly, who cares? You know how even the crappy brushes today have a bunch of different bristles - medium blue ones at the edge, short green and medium white ones in the middle and dangerously long white ones at the tip? Add yellow rubber paddles into the mix and you have my new toothbrush. Well, kinda. It isn't a normal toothbrush, oh no, it has - TWO HEADS! They look like one, but they can move independantly as they are split down the middle. I'm sure that if I had been brought up with such technology, I would better be able to utilise it, but being used to single-headed brushes and all, any change in form is no doubt arbitrary at best. Those paddles are weird. Hinged to provide movement, they also have these blue rubber stoppers for one or both of two reasons; either they are to keep the paddle in place when brushing takes place, preventing them from sliding limply over one's molars with each passing brush, or they are to stop said paddles reaching in through the gaps in the teeth and causing terrible bleeding/brain damage. Your call, but I know which one I believe. The brush has an electric vibratey type function - living up to it's name ceremoniously - which is shockingly bad. It feels like a normal electric toothbrush bereft of the will to live, as you will be too (well, the will to live part, not the electric toothbrush. Presumably, I mean, who am I to judge?) if you bought expecting a work of dildonic insanity, 'MORE BEAST THAN BRUSH!' but it's actually rather crap once you press the big '+' button. Oh well. Despite all it's perplexing features and ineptitude, it cleans your teeth something fierce. I can't remember the last time mine were so clean. Therefore, I give it a deserved, 9/10. I think I may start reviewing everything now in my usual style. At least it'll give me something to blog about.

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I've had a haircut (god damn I'm trendy) so I'm going to post some pictures I'll (hopefully) take tomorrow next week. Huzzah.

Half term blues

My half term is ten days long. Let's see what I've done.
Saturday - Went to work for three hours, then lazed around house
Sunday - Was an hour early for work, so I sat around for an hour, then worked for four, then lazed around house
Monday - Went into town, set up an ISA, got library card, took out from library:
-A Brief History of Pants (rubbish)
-Carrie (brilliant)
-De-loused in the Comatorium (one of the best albums I've ever heard)
Tuesday - lazed around house
Wednesday - Went into nottingham. Was supposed to meet a few friends from college, but one was in Deepdale so he couldn't come, and I can't remember why the other couldn't, but he couldn't. Spent two hours alone and wandering around. Bought three issues of Hate and two badges, then lazed around house
Thursday - Went into Wollaton to do Media Studies coursework - it was cold and miserable and horrible and I hated it

I'm going to a friend's house tonight to watch a Ramones film (I think it's End of the Century), so at least that should be good. On monday I'm going into mansfield to see my orthodontist (hopefully he'll allow me to wear my retainers only at night) and then into HMV to look for Hearts And Unicorns by Giant Drag.
Rest of my half term - please, please don't suck.

Can I invite a few guys to join our blog of wonders? I promise they won't be assholes...

Back in black (and white)

I'm sorry I haven't posted in so very long. I haven't been getting home from college until half past five and by then I can't be arsed to do anything, least of all blog. I could do some at college, 'cept I'm one unauthorised website away from being blocked from the net, and I don't really want that to happen. I've finally got some. They give me blisters and hurt like hell if I don't have a plaster on my heel, but it's worth it cos they look so damn good (or so I've been told). Have started collecting comics. Well, Hate and JtHM. But they rock, so whatever. I don't think I have anything else to say. Oh yeah, has anything important happened that I've missed in the lives and blogs of you guys?

_