In hiding!

Thursday, June 30, 2005

Hellooooo, where am I?

Hrm.. The only thing I can actually think about blogging about is my attempting at programming.. I never would've figured it'd be so time-consuming and require so much effort.
Making pictures and animations.. that's just the same and all this just to create some effortless game to entertain some young, mindless children.
On the plus side.. I'm learning! YAY!
I am hopeless.
"Rawr, rawr, rawr!!"

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

An Ode to Google.

Ned is quite distinctly not the only poet we have:

Did you mean: yoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyo yoyo?

Of course I did dear Google,

How on Earth did you know?

Jethro Toe

This is a badge. This is my bag (the blue aura appeared after I'd taken the photo... spooky). The way I see it, because I'm going to college in a matter of months, I should strive to carve an individual persona, as opposed to all these identikit teenagers you see roaming the streets (who undoubtedly compose a large number of the teenagers who haven't heard of Nirvana (TWO BASTARD THIRDS OF US!)). By covering all areas of my bag that will be visible when I'm, y'know, wearing it (this is a grammatical nightmare) in badges, I should be able to accomplish my mission with some ease. However, I think it'll take about 300 badges and £100, so I need your help! For a start, you could tell me where to get a shitload of badges from...

Sunday, June 26, 2005

The Cycle of Life


Children find porn in the woods. They do, it's all part of growing up. Well today, in the woods, I found three dirty old(ish) men with big cameras (probably penis extensions, for insecurities) hanging around near a waterfall formed from a broken aqueduct with some women wrapped in beach towels. Oh how nonchalant they tried to be.

My mother is also ignorant of the Cling-On empire...

Alas, I am a Cling-On, just like 2/3 of Nirvana and a few other members of the Aberdeen youth of the very early eighties. Well, not yet. Allow me to explain; a Cling-On is a devout follower of The Melvins. I am not a devout follower, although I will be when they start touring again. The Melvins are a pre-grunge band, whose early material sounds like, well, nothing before, although if you're looking for a comparison, think all the big Seattle grunge bands (not Pearl jam) molesting a street-poet. Only better than that sounds. Don't get me wrong, they ain't no Nirvana, but they're something else entirely, hard to describe because of... Think Floyd The Barber and Paper Cuts off of Bleach, and you pretty much have Kurt Cobain's love of The Melvins summed up in about six minutes (Dale Crover of Melvins fame drummed on those tracks). Hey, if you like them, get Ozma. If not, don't. There was something else I needed to say... I'm going to see Kings of Leon on friday, so that should be good. In the meantime I'd better listen to some KoL stuff in detail, so that I can at least mumble along (you can't really say 'sing' can you?). I'll be taking photos I hope, so if anyone shows any interst, I'll post 'em.

Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Me and moi movies...

Here's to you, sweet and divine, Wicky of mine. It works a lot better when it's 'razor of mine'. It isn't even slightly contradictory when it's a person instead of a razor. Bet I could find a person's name that sounds good in that little couplet... Anyways:

1. The total number of DVDs, videos and films I own.

20/30-ish, I don't know. I don't keep count for a start.

2.The last film I bought.

Probably Shaun of the Dead. Which I highly recommend.

3.The last film I watched

Sin City. God damn.

4. My favourite five films of all time, ever

Pulp Fiction, Nightmare Before Christmas, Donnie Darko, that Wallace and Grommit one where they go to the moon and probably some Pixar stuff (although I do really want to see 1991: The Year Punk Broke and End of The Century)

5. Tag three people and have them blog this.
I don't wanna. The first three people who comment and who haven't done this yet can have a go.

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

More Quotes!

I'm starting to get lazy, so just have some quotes.


The test pilots of the A380 (you know, world's biggest airliner?), during crucial pre-flight checks and familiarisation:
"So that's the cupholder, where's the ashtray?"
"No, no, there's no ashtray these days."
"What about my chewing gum?"
"If there's no ashtray you'll have to stick it under the seat."
"Ok, are we ready to go?"
"Ok, lets go."


It's really quite worrying, later on they have a discussion about the bird crap in the engine and one has to punch another's helmet to get it on. But I suppose professionals should be allowed their eccentricities.


I have more quotes to come, stay tuned!


I've been inspired, after taking a wrong turn whilst walking down a duel carriage way from a retail outlet and discovering the beauty of a rubbish tip with the big tractor with the big spiky wheels, to write a book on how to be a tourist anywhere.


I'm happy.

Sunday, June 19, 2005

I'm a walking flapjack

I remember telling Glod about Keith the singing zombie. I still think it's a masterpiece of comic engineering. Enjoy.

Saturday, June 18, 2005

Yesterday's Cartoon Qoute of the Day

"This kid has broken every rule we hold so dear"
"Even the cannibalism taboo?"



There's a lot of more mature and less slapsticky humour in cartoons,
I've noticed, which is probably wasted, so your homework is to go
watch some cartoons and make sure the genius isn't wasted on some
sprog, ok?

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Damn you, Brain!

And damn you Homer Simson-esque title. Mine is the kind of mind that exaggerates things. And I hate it for that. As such, I thought my sister had been kidnapped when she was, in fact, downstairs watching Big Brother. 6. I don't want to have a worldwide group of people thinking my sister tapes every episode of Big Brother and then watches them in the down-time between current episodes. Because she probably doesn't. She doesn't have enough tapes for a start... Anyways, this tendency to take a situation and run with it for stupid distances has ruined my life for the past week. And it's all Ava's fault. She said it was a shame you couldn't see my eyes, and I thought 'oh well'. Over the next few days I convinced myself that the reason there was no blog activity in ages was because Ava was so depressed at the lack of my eyes that she stopped caring about anything and everything (on this blog), and her lack of activity made everyone else depressed so they didn't look at the blog either. And that's in a week. Imagine if I'd have left it longer. I'd have called the cops to report a missing person. 'Yeah, she looks like a creepy doll from behind, she's always sat down and she's shot in an arty monochrome style. No, this isn't a wind up.' So, here, for the enjoyment of Ava*, is... MY EYES!
Well, one of them at least. Sorry if it's crap quality, my monitors gone wappy so I can't really tell.
What exactly is Celebrity Love Island all about? All I can tell from various newspapers is that it's a few minor celbrities on a tropical island, and they're all put there so they can fuck and one of them wins a load of money at the end. Am I right?
I missed Radio 1's countdown of the 30 greatest punk songs ever last night. Bastard. Please, somebody, help! On a lighter note, they had a lot of Green Day on that list, so it would probably have gone tits up for the classics anyway. And The Ramones were voted fourth greatest punk band of the seventies. The Clash won, Buzzcocks second and Sex Pistols third. I think that list's, well, crap. I think The Ramones are the best punk band in that list, but Iggy and The Stooges are surely the greatest punk band of the seventies, although they did relaese their debut in '69, although the zenith of their back catalogue rests firmly in '70s. Oh yeah, NME Uncut seem to think that Iggy only released three albums, can someone please explain why. So yeah, Stooges, then Ramones, then Clash (or is it Pistols?), then whatever.
*If Ava doesn't at least appreciate the photo (because it's all her fault that I've put another one on the blog), then I'll be driven to kill myself. Well, not kill myself. Maybe I'll just mope around for a few days and then stop moping.

Thursday, June 09, 2005

I hate myself and I want to die

I really want that particular book. Although I doubt it will have the song of the same name. It's a real problem when you try making a post when all you have to talk about is a book you found on amazon a few minutes ago.
JEESUSFUCKENCHRISTALMIGHTY! Look at this. That is just fucking twisted. On a lighter note, this is me:

Christ, just when you think you've seen everything, you find out Courtney Love's fifteen year old bottle of painkillers is being sold on eBay. What is the world coming to when even your drugs are public property?

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

Glod, in Infra Red!

Glod in Infra Red
Bet you weren't expecting that one! Anyway, being in the middle of the exam period I've suddenly got a lot of extra time on my hands, most of which I've spent standing in a field.
But I did have a look at hackaday.com and discovered how to create an infra red webcam.
So round to D. Maiden's I went. He was rather kind letting me take his webcam to bits using his cutlery. Sadly it didn't work with the eyetoy (may it rest in peace)but hey, I learnt that all my t-shirts appear white in IR:

Dark Blue T-shirt, in Infra red

That outside is scary:

The Sky, in Infra red

And that toasters have got a real nice glow (clearly upstaging remote controls):
Toaster, in Infra red

Remote Control, in Infra red

Thursday, June 02, 2005

A New Low Every Week

Porn Dunwoody


I don't think I really need to say anything.

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Read all about it...

The Mirror is an excellent paper if you want a laugh. Take, for instance, this article. It's worth it, if only for the title. Sadly, I can't find the full article for the front page 'Sloshed and Becks' story, but the full thing exposed how 'she must have had 3 or 4 glasses of champagne'. Crikey. I also found out how easy it is to write 'cowbot' while searching for this article. Seriously, are they taking the piss? I'm also spearheading a campaign against the Mirror's wayward use of the term 'grunge'. They used it to describe Charlotte Chruch. I'm angry.