In hiding!

Monday, May 30, 2005

I've Been Busy

Mostly, anyway, at least slightly busy. At the moment I'm mildly ill and back in the middle of sodding panther country, that's right folks. I could be easily picked off and eaten. At least I'd get in the local paper though, which recently had "RETURN OF THE BEAST" on the front page.

Sunday, May 29, 2005

Hm, three things 'bout I.

Three screen names that you have had: Inferno, Cloaked Figure, Desperate Maiden
Three things you like about your self: My childish personality, my lack of sense, my random noises.
Three things you don't like about your self: Uh.. I like me for who I am.
Three parts of your heritage: Stupidity, strong immune system, height.
Three things that scare you: Early death, programming flaws, evil more evil than mine.
Three of your everyday essentials: Me, Food, Drink.
Three things you are wearing right now: Wouldn't you like to know..
Three of your favorite songs: I don't listen to any songs..
Three new things you want to try in the next 12 months: Live to see my 17th birthday, fix my flawwed programming, get through my exams as quickly as possible.
Three things I want in a relationship: A relationship, a partner, some love.
Two truths and a lie: I am D.Maiden, I am male, I am female.
Three things you can't do without: Myself, Food, Drink.
Three places you want to go on vacation: Somewhere nice, somewhere terrible anywhere at home.
Three things you just can't do: Give birth, telekinesis, fix my programming.
Three kids names: Jimmy, Joe, Bob.
Three things you want to do before you die: Look at the next 12 months thing.
Three Celeb crushes: I hate celebrities.
Three people you want to know these things about: No one in particular.

Thursday, May 26, 2005

Three things...

Three screen names that you have had: This one, Precursor, Colonel Ducky
Three things you like about your self: My manic depression, my ability to monologue, the mysterious scars on my hand
Three things you don't like about your self: Memory like a sieve (I retain the lumpy bits), my teeth, my inabilty to make rapid decisions
Three parts of your heritage: Human, mamallian, british (presumably)
Three things that scare you: Spiders, people, dying alone
Three of your everyday essentials: Food, sleep, MTV2
Three things you are wearing right now: Watch, earphones, a scowel
Three of your favorie songs: All Apologies (Nirvana), In A Jar (Dinosaur Jr), Queen (The Melvins)
Three new things you want to try in the next 12 months: Drumming, putting up with Melissa (DAMN HER!), modern art
Three things I want in a relationship: A shoulder, conversation, hugs
Two truths and a lie: I'm tired, I will never be able to put up with Melissa, I'm on fire
Three things you can't do without: Grunge, MTV2, the knowledge that it will all turn out alright
Three places you want to go on vacation: Fjordland, Earth's moon, Seattle
Three things you just can't do: Meet new people, dance, come to terms with life
Three kids names: What, three names that I'd give my kids, or three random names? Well, I quite like Thurston, Rebecca and J
Three things you want to do before you die: drum, meet Dale Crover, have something bought for me via my Amazon wish list (must make Amazon wish list first)
Three Celeb crushes: Kim Gordon, PJ Harvey, Björk
Three people you want to know these things about: Maiden (DAMMIT!), Jodie, and Ava I suppose, seeing as how she's been with us from what may or not be/have been the start

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

Who Wants to Be a Thursday Crusader- Part 4, I Do Believe.

This one required very little by way of lying.


I'm terribly sorry to say, Stella my good friend, but I really am quite perplexed as to what it is exactly that is required of me at this moment in time. In other words: at this moment in time what exactly is it that is required of me as I really am quite perplexed and terribly sorry to say this, Stella my good friend?

Yours Sincerly Geoffrey Hake

Sunday, May 15, 2005

Lets Talk About My Day

Computer being shit so I'm taking a break from scam baiting to talk about my day. Opticians were closed on Sunday so we followed some brown signs to the Earth Centre. You go through the gates and there's a load of big brown grassy fields, and we followed a car to someone's house (oops). We also saw an other car letting out two dogs for a shit. After finding the carpark (occupants, one car) it transpired that the place had gone bust and had a CCTV camera on a big pole swiveling round at people. I stole a poncho from some shack that would previously have held vegetables but now used to hold wood chips. A friendly bloke at a castle told us it closed last August. Not the castle, previous place. Also a cafe had closed. Last August. Bloody economy. Did find an address to build a trebuche that can hurl a grape thirty feet (30 feet! Could revolutionize greengrocering could that!). But forgot it. Somehow got to Doncaster and found a shop selling Thornton's chocolate rejects and another selling Cadbury's:
uglychoc1
And then it was like "woah, my chocolate has two heads":
uglychoc2

Saturday, May 14, 2005

Who Wants to Be a Thursday Crusader? - Part 3

Dear Stella,

My wife, Susannah, lovely women really, is in the other room watching
television. Although she's quite a nice women really she just doesn't
seem to understand me and my fellow Thursday Crusaders. Probably
beacuse she doesn't drink enough tea, and when she does it's those
ghastly mint tea bags she uses which aren't really my cup tea (no pun
intended, although it is rather good, if I may say so myself).

Anyway, in short phoning you without arousing the suspicions of my
dear Susannah, the lovable and purly accidental master of
interrogation she is, will be quite difficult. I will try and phone
you as soon as possible though, as I dare say it will speed up the
proceedings no end. Unless of course you are happy to use email.


My dear,
I thank you for you call to day (Oh dear, I didn't phone. You must be getting me confused with another victim, should I point this out to you?) I am more than happy with your interest to help me transfer my 10.5 million American dollars deposited in an bank by my late father of which iam the next of
kin. Presently iam living in the refugee camp here in Dakar senegal and we are only allowed to go out of the camp only 2 times in a week. Inshort this place is more of a prison and my hope is for you to assist me transfer this money to your position so that i can come over to start a new life with you.
I send and recieve e mails in the office of Rev david jones He is the pastor of the christ the king church in the refugee camp here in dakar . He has been so kind to me since i became close to him during one of his visitation to the clinic in the camp when i was sick. I will like you to call me at his office with this number +221BLANK so that i can tell you more about myself. When you call tell him that you want to talk with me and he will send for me at the females hostel. However,i will like you to contact the bank where the money was deposited by my late father for confirmation and possibilities of transfering to your account in your country. The contact information of the bank is as follows,

BLANKBLANKBLANK UNITED KINDOM
Email address(BLANK@go.com)
The name of the transfer officer is Mr paulson Roman
Tele Number is 0044 BLANK Fax Number 44BLANK i will like you to contact this bank immediately on how to transfer the 10.5 million dollars deposited by my late father Dr (He was COL MUSA before) MUSA of which iam the next of kin. I have maped out 15% of the total sum for your assistance and 5% for expenses . Moreover, i will need your assistance to manage the money on my hehalf since iam too young (I must be mature for my age) to handle such money.and please dont forget to send me the
yours Stella .


This is fun.

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

Who Wants to Be a Thursday Crusader? Part 2

It's getting serious:


Thanks for your kindness,
i would like you to contact the bank on behaif of me to know their procedure on how they are going to transfer the money into your country,after the money entered your account then
you come down here and pick me or you send some money to me so that i can use it and get all needed travel documents to come over and stay with you, i live in dakar senegal west africa as a refugee ,i do find it difficult to feed twice in a day,i am with the deposit certificate of the money here and my late fathers death certificate also, after the death of my late father our goverment sieze all his properties claming that my father stole money from the goverment during his time in goverment office,even the money he has with central bank in my country was also seize,if they should find out that my late father has money with any bank they are going to call the money back,that's why i run out of or country with help of one old woman,because this money is the onl y inheritance i got from my father due to he made the deposit with my name,

could you believe that i don't have any body here to call my own people,last time i contact the bank ,i spoke with the opreation manager and he told me that the bank can not do with direct due to my refugee status,that i should find some body to stand for me and claim,he advice me to call my relation or any of my late fathers business partner,but there's no how i can call any of my fathers business partner because of my fathers commitiment during his time in goverment office, if this money should come down to africa,they are going to trace the source of the money and it may result seizing it and i can not go back to my country anymore, you can call me with this phone number 00221 Blank-blank-blank for more infomentions i need your help,
yours stella.


419eater.com reccomends either picking up an anonymous sim card cheaply, or claiming to be deaf. I daresay the second option might scare them away, and as for the first, well I don't fancy my acting skills standing up to much. I'm asking on the forums for advice anyway. Perhaps Mr BLANK the English teacher would do it, he does like acting...

Tuesday, May 10, 2005

Who Wants to Be a Thursday Crusader?

And so it was that this ended up in my inbox:


ATTENTION PLEASE
I am writting this letter with due respect and heartful of tears since we have not known or met ourselves previously.
I am asking for your assistance after I have gone through a profile that speaks good of you. I will be so glad if you can allow and lead me to the right channel towards your assistance to my situation now. I will make my proposal well known if I am given the opportunity. I would like to use this opportunity to introduce myself to you. well,

i am STELLA MUSA 22years old lady and I know that this proposal might be a surprise to you but do consider it as an emmergency.In nutshell, My (late)father COL MUSA,was the personal advicer to the former head of state in my country liberia in west africa.

But he was killed along side with my mother during the longing civil war and all his properties was totally destroyed. However, after their death I managed to escape with a very important document (DEPOSIT CERTIFICATE of (US$10.5m)Ten million Five hundred thousand U.S Dollars deposited by my late father in A london bank which i am the next of kin.

Meanwhile,i am saddled with the problem of securing a trust worthy foriegn personality to help me transfer the money over to your country and into your possession pending my arrival to meet with you. Furthermore,you can contact the bank for confirmation and i will issue a letter of authorisation on your name,that will enable the bank to deal with you on my behalf.

I am giving you this offers as mentioned with every confidence on your acceptance to assist me or take me as your wife and manage the money.Conclusively,i wish you send me a reply immediately as soon as you recieve this proposal. for confidential purposes, your urgent reply will be highly appreciated.at (blankety_blank@yahoo.com)
Thanks Miss STELLA.


And thus it was that I became Geoffrey Hake, philanthropist, tea drinker and all round nice guy:


Dear Miss Stella Musa,

A friend passed on to me an email in which you explaineed your predicament. I'm very sorry to hear your story and I would like to help in any way I can, well, actually it's 'we' as I'm a member of a society which meets every thursday (the Thursday Crusaders) to discuss ways we can help make the world a better place ( and drink tea). After an emergancy meeting (on a monday, no less!) we are all really eager to try and help you in whatever way we can. Which I susposed just leaves two questions, How can we help?, and How are you going to put the money to good use?

Yours truelly, Geoffrey Hake.


Don't worry, would Geoffrey Hake do anything unethical? No! Look, all perfectly ethical.

Monday, May 09, 2005

The Hitchhiker's Guide to Movie Reviewing

The reason Adams' biographer said the Hitchhiker movie was shit etc is probably because he's obssessed with Adams to the point at which all but the most faithful re-makes have, in his eyes, had their scripts pissed on. If you compare the film against the book while your watching it, then it'll ruin it for you. Like when they go to Vogsphere. That Adams worked on the script before he died means he probably wanted to have some detour to the Vogons' homeworld, and it's a great bit of the film for that matter. But if you start thinking, 'this wasn't in the book, what's happening, etc' you'll eventually come to hate the film. I forgot it was based on a book a little bit in (which is why I thought it was strange that Ford goes to Arthur's house on a trolley full of beer and snacks, but not strange that they pay a visit to the guy who ran against Zaphod in the election). My favourite part's when they use the Infinite Improbability Drive, and they become knitted. Marvin looks so brilliant, you really haven't lived until you've seen a little knitted Marvin waddling around. Made me laugh loud enough to attract strange looks. So go see the movie, it's better than Glod says.

Thursday, May 05, 2005

If 666 is the number of the devil...

...then how all-encompassing must the numbers on either side of it be? I am really upset that I didn't think of something as great as that, but you can't have everything, can you? I think I was a lot more interesting on the last blog than on this one, but hey, I can still make it work? The point of the title is this. Well, not precisely. This is somewhat closer to the point. I'm getting ahead of myself here. They're the same song, the first one is normal, the second backwards. It represents something amazing to me. A song that makes no sense lyrically when played forward, but no sense musically when played backwards. That you can't have both at once without butchering the point of the song means something to me, although I haven't figured out what that something is. Yet. On top of this, it's hilarious (not to mention satirical) when you play it backwards. And here's one for faranheit (and Maiden, and maybe a little bit of Glod): I'm quitting Twats.
Here he is, Giraffeman and his TRUSTY HAMMER!

Fwd: Here's a picture what I've done of you.

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Tony Hawks Fun Club
Date: 05-May-2005 11:03
Subject: RE: Here's a picture what I've done of you.
To: Tom

Hi Tom

I am afraid Tony is currently out of the country at the moment (probably
causing havoc through half of Europe!) but I will pass your message and
particularly fine artwork onto him when he returns!

We have recently set up the Tony Hawks Fun Club and I have attached the
first newsletter.

Kind regards

Tony's personal slave
(Apologies for any typos but the manacles are very restricting

-----Original Message-----
From: Tom [mailto:glodglodson@gmail.com]
Sent: 02 May 2005 19:56
To: tony@tony-hawks.com
Subject: Here's a picture what I've done of you.

I hope you like it, it took me at least 5 minutes. I did a more
sophisticated picture (
http://pfsoup.blogspot.com/2005/05/glod-are-fan-artist.html ) but a
mexican told me this version was better.

>From a fan.

--
No virus found in this incoming message.
Checked by AVG Anti-Virus.
Version: 7.0.308 / Virus Database: 266.11.2 - Release Date: 02/05/2005

--
No virus found in this outgoing message.
Checked by AVG Anti-Virus.
Version: 7.0.308 / Virus Database: 266.11.5 - Release Date: 04/05/2005

--
Read more at pfsoup.blogspot.com

Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Update- Woooo.

I seem to have caused mild confusion. After more searching I've found that the pygmies found on flores are an important argument for those that believe the "hobbit" to be a pygmy human with a brain condition (which explains height and different brain structure). However, a lot of research suggests that the brain of the "hobbit" found is a near perfect miniature of homo erectus'. Thus, if these people are pygmies than no huge revelations, they are just shorter humans, completely the same as you and me. However if they are "hobbits" then it would be like discovering a Neanderthal community, albeit their version of pygmies. Completely different species with different physiology, brain structure, way of thinking perhaps. We wouldn't be alone.

And back to the main feature (courtesy of The Clock is Ticking)
What follows is a list of different occupations. You must select at least five of them. You may add more if you like to your list before you pass it on (after you select five of the items as it was passed to you). Of the five you selected, you are to finish each phrase with what you would do as a member of that profession. Then pass it on to three other bloggers.

Here's that list:

If I could be a scientist... If I could be a farmer...
If I could be a musician... If I could be a doctor...
If I could be a painter... If I could be a gardener...
If I could be a missionary... If I could be a chef...
If I could be an architect... If I could be a linguist...
If I could be a psychologist... If I could be a librarian...
If I could be an athlete... If I could be a lawyer...
If I could be an innkeeper... If I could be a professor...
If I could be a writer... If I could be a backup dancer...
If I could be a llama-rider... If I could be a bonnie pirate...
If I could be a midget stripper... If I could be a proctologist...
If I could be a TV-Chat Show host... If I could be an actor...
If I could be a judge... If I could be a Jedi...
If I could be a mob boss... If I could be a backup singer …
If I could be a CEO... If I could be a movie reviewer …
If I could be a candy striper... If I could taste test chocolate...

I'm choosing 3, so stick it in your pipe and smoke it.

If I could be a professor,which I will be, then I'd live in a nice warm university and be forgiven for all my eccentricities. My room would have grass growing of every surface and full of whirly robotic things going about their business (I will of course be a professor of biomimetic robotics).

If I could be a midget stripper there'd be a lot of walls with a different wallpaper below waist height, assuming that I have a midget wallpaperer as well.

If I could be a Jedi then I'd be allowed to hum doodooodooodoodooodo* in polite company.

I pass it to Rudicus and Ava, because I can.




*StarWars music, you know, doodooodooodoodooodo.

Monday, May 02, 2005

Today is a Great Day, For Eco-Tourism

You'd think, perhaps, that if there was a small chance that homo erectus was surviving today in the diminutive form of homo floresiensis then it would at least warrant not being 29 pages further into a news paper than some crap about some pissed Oxford students jumping into a very shallow river. Therefore I am forced to accept the position of disbeliever.
Please prove my skepticism unnecessary oh merciful media.

Sunday, May 01, 2005

Glod are Fan Artist

Tony Hawks (look, an 's'!) Pro-writer (not Pro-skater) of Round Ireland with a Fridge has a section on his website for fan art. He also has a section full of misdirected emails concerning skate boarding.
That begs for some more fan art so I done two: The sophisticated (click for bigger, I think):
inbox
And the ugly:
marvellousfridgy

Now which shall I send to him?

Oooh, and Stutter Rap from the music section is marginally entertaining.

Oh, the guilt

I'm not sure if this is a good thing, but this is definitely going to exist and I will definitely see it when it does and that's that. While we're on the subject of grunge heroes, I am amazed that I get newsletters from Rolling Stone. I hadn't ever been on their website until I started getting e-mails off them. Oh well, now I know about this, and the conotations make me very happy indeed. And while we're on the subject of films, I watched The Incredibles today. It kicks ass. Like the part when he gets mad and breaks his car. That made me laugh so much *sighs*. It's probably on a par with... I don't know, but it's up there with the Toy Story films. Hell, it's better than A Bug's Life and Monsters Inc. so that's, erm, great. It may seem like a pretty twisted comparison, but it made me feel a bit like I did after I'd seen Donnie Darko. I guess it's because I'm a teenager. I just think the way everything turns out great for Violet and Donnie. OK, so Donnie gets killed by a time-travelling jet engine in the end, but at least he has a good run during the time he spends in the *pauses for dramatic effect* tangent universe. I never thought I'd say that again. And Violet seems pleased with how things turn out (not in Donnie Darko, we're back to The Incredibles now) so I might as well be too. One more thing, I upset a Christian girl on Wednesday. I didn't even mean too. I was telling her to fuck off, not Jesus. Now my mum thinks I'm a bully. Oh well. I have but one thing to say: I think the phrase 'God fearing Christian' sums up the religion perfectly.