In hiding!

Thursday, March 31, 2005

is this the end

i wont furnish this with things like punctuation or grammar just the words not even pictures i remember when the blog served to drive me into depression i was a wreck i was tempted by suicide and found no release anywhere except the blog it doesnt take long to notice the vicious circle at work but it also felt quite good like a had some kind of purpose glod was the eccentric maiden was the news reporter although its debatable as to the reliability of his bulletins and i was the depressed one who wouldnt stop going on about it and now im that same guy again the triangle of power is almost reformed now maiden has to do something i am a lonely fucker who has a crush on a girl who wants to cut my hair but i look a bit like j mascis when i do pull a certain face and thats good enough for me

His guts are killin' me

It's times like these that I just want to shout 'YOU BASTARD CUNTS!' Not sure why. No longer have Dino Jr album:
Me: Do you like Dino Jr?
Cousin: Dunno, never heard them, they're supposed to be good aren't they?
Me: Yes. Do you want to borrow my album?
Cousin: OK.
Me: Right now?
Cousin: OK.
Should have it back by Saturday, along with the Smashing Pumpkins album he said he'd drop off when he goes to my Grandad's house. For some reason, my Grandad's house is a sort of meeting point for all the people on his side of the family. Every Saturday, at least three people go there to have a cup of tea and a lengthy conversation, featuring such themes as how crap the Chinese down the road is, how we saw that paedophile who lives across from us the other day, and how big a twat Tony Blair is.
That buggy boogie woogie.

No Visit To London Is Complete Without A Foam Penguin


Today (ok, right now it's actually yesterday, but just pretend), while I presume wandered sat around doing nothing in particular, I visited London. The Aquarium mainly. After many failed attempts at fish photography (putting glass in the way is a stupid idea) I started to think. Being a blogger this revolved around finding an angle to blog about, but most of the half formulated posts were, quite frankly shit. Obviously this depressed me so I spent three quid on a foam penguin (and this is the smart bit) on a stick. After an impromptu christening in a souvenir shop ("what's its name?" inquires the, I suppose, skipper of the shop."He hasn't got one." I reply "You should call him Pengy.... what's that penguin on the telly called?.... Pingu....Pengy, you should call him Pengy" So that was that then, these women had decided, by committee, to name my penguin, and to show my appreciation I brought him to within inches of the leader's face, waggled Pengy furiously, and said "He likes you." That showed them) Our next major escapade (I had to look that word up) was to be laughed at by some girls on a bench as we walked alongside the Thames. It's good to know that I've still got my charm. Then some bugger went and upstaged us with a ferret, the fucking attention seeking show off childish wanker, there's always one who has to act stupid and try to be better than everyone else. Anyway, ego only slightly bruised, I went on to tell someone on a bridge that it was a guide penguin, they found this so funny they needed to repeated what I had told them, and punctuate it with chuckles. And to top it all off a child looked at it, eyes wide with terror.
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Wednesday, March 30, 2005

Marvel at my grasp of science!

Science thing going well. Trying to be as inform(al)ative as I can. Have one Red Dwarf reference in the one section I've done. Seven to go. Am to replace 'stuff' with 'Stuff', 'thing' with 'Thing' and 'things' with 'Things'. Also, have got You're Living All Over Me by Dinosaur Jr. It's amazing. Started on new song last night, hopefully I'll finish this one. Bit poppy, but also a bit Dino (think In A Jar).
Oh, big bad-ass Circle o' Power's comin' to get ya!
In the black holes bit, have replaced 'stuff' 10 times, 'things' 5 times and 'thing' a whopping 17 times!

See, Not Scary At All!


At least not when compared with that doll.
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Monday, March 28, 2005

Bastard play!

Well, here it is!
M: Don't go there!
T:Why not?
M: There'll be a bus in 5 minutes
T: Granted, though public transport is derisory at best
M: True, though it will take too long on foot
T: I'll hail a taxi my good man
M: Ee Gads, you can't be serious!
T: Why not, pray tell?
M: A taxi will cost far too much. Far better to rely on the good old bus
T: In the long run, a taxi will be more economical in the long run owing to it's swiftness of actions
M: Well, my homeboy, it seems the only way to settle this is with a duel of fisticuffs
T: Very well
Fist fight
T: You are indeed a powerful adversary
M: As are you... D00D. Draw your weapon!
T: I was under the impression that this was a duel of the cuffs fisti
M: I SAID DRAW YOUR WEAPON!
Sword fight
T: I tire of your games
M: As do I. I hereby declare this to be a battle of wits! And guns!
Gun fight
(T shoots M in head)
T: Well, my hombre, I appear to be the victor
M: True, though I still recommend the bus
T: Then take the bus you fool, I wish you to sit in gum
M: I regret my actions... The cab beckons
T: Ye shall not cough up a full quota, I shall pay a fraction of your cost
M: Yea Merrily
T: Indeed
Well, there it is, in all it's stagnant glory. Can't believe I've been not listening to The Stooges for so long. And the opposite is true concerning U2. Well, I haven't been listening to them, I just can't believe I've heard stuff by them. Now, brace yourselves for another horizontal line to seperate paragraphs...
I think I have a crush on Kim Gordon. I blame it on the intro to Teenage Riot. Oh, and THAT t-shirt. I'll probably end up linking to the image I'm thinking of in a completely unrelated post in about a week. Oh well, for now, you can have Simpsons Youth
Colonel Ducky lives! As you can probably tell from how recent his photo is (it just is recent, OK! And it's definitely a photo).
Takes a teenage riot to get me out of bed right now

Sunday, March 27, 2005

Video Evidence Of This Most Amazing Feat.


I've finally found place to host my video clips (which could probably get me locked up for quite some time), and they come in two flavours (Ok, qualities really) bog-standard and deluxe. I couldn't get them to work at all in Mozilla, but they definatly work with IE. As for comments, please use the orignal post on this matter, two entries down.
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Which Picture Says It Best?


The second of my two favourite frames, again, please comment one entry down.
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Saturday, March 26, 2005

Small Child Stuck to Ceiling Via Vacuum Cleaner and Two Cardboard Boxes.


That cardboard disc (lovingly crafted using an entuire roll of scotch tape, with a frilly trim made from bin liners) is being stuck to the ceiling by that vacuum cleaner with enough force to support the weight of that small child. It's all just a matter of air pressure. Stay tuned for video.
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Friday, March 25, 2005

Oh, el humanity

Monkey nuts to your feelings about posting multiple entries in a row, if others have nothing to say, someone might as well blog! U2 are easily the most overrated band in the world. Meanwhile, the Nirvana box set (see, I'm still going on about it) probably hasn't even gone silver yet! Had freaky dream last night. Highlights included two Desperate Maidens who later turned out to be one Desperate Maiden and a Josh, and me going 'meow' and doing one of those weird arm gestures that looks a bit like what a cat might do if it was trying to rip your face off. It may have some kind of deep psychological meaning and it may be trying to point out something that I should know but that I'm too busy peeling off, sticking back on and then peeling off again the banana skin on the Velvet Undergound box set to notice. Hey Glod, where are you on Onimusha 3? I want it back. BAD! It doesn't take long to complete, certainly no more than 24 hours.
I'm somewhat depressed by one blogger's ignorance. They thought Touch Me I'm Sick was a Sonic Youth song. It's Mudhoney! It did appear on a split single with SY if I'm not mistaken. I started a new section for that tiny little bit of stuff. Oh well, now I've been given a new mission, the a-z of my music!
I miss some of the madness from the older blogs. Like Colonel Ducky. I'll have to realise him in picture format. And my entry for Maiden's blogging competition that made him call the whole thing off and send me into a downward spiral of depression and self-loathing that I still haven't gotten out of completely. Those were the days...
C'mon, touch me I'm sick!

Thursday, March 24, 2005

REVENGE!

Revenge for Glod posting two in a row. Now I've done it. So we're equal. For now... I had a 100% complete game save on R&C3. Now I've deleted it so I can see if I can do it again. I must be mad. Oh well, not be that hard. The Lego cannot be used. I've spent ages trying to re-build everything so it'll be presentable to any prospective buyers. So there. Not that much to say. Maiden isn't doing much. I seem to recall he had that pc in his room and he seemed to be on either Notepad or the internet. Where have ye gone, o Maiden of a Desperate nature. Ada (unless it's not their name) thought we all lived in Scotland, right? I wonder why. Could it be the slightly northern twang in our posts that suggests we may well live ina country full of sheep*? I certainly hope not.
Morituri Nolumus Mori
*Legal disclaimer time: it really is. Go and have a look for yourself. We had sheep in our bloody back garden. They're sodding well everywhere. Even on really steep hillsides. It's an invasion! Although they are rather funny. They're like clouds with legs. What do you call a sheep with no legs?

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

I can see you...

I'm about to enter a competition with a pair of night-vision goggles as the prize. There's other stuff to be won, but the goggles stand out as the crowning jewel. On top of this, I have five CDs to buy. And I'm in debt until mid-April. Fortunately, I'll be getting money off my grandparents instead of an easter egg, so that'll help out considerably. Then there's the massive amount of Lego I've yet to sell. That'll get me about fifty quid. And because you can get old CDs cheaper than singles, er, I'll get them cheap. I guess. Furthermore, The Velvet Underground rock and I haven't had anything good to say so that's why I haven't been blogging!
Morituri Nolumus Mori

Monday, March 21, 2005

The Sound of Two Lips Miming

Now That's What I Call Music! Vol 60 has, as its final track, Tony Christie's Is This The Way To Amarillo. On the television advert it's kindly pionted out that this is mimed by Peter Kay. Brilliant, I'll buy it if it can be proved they actually bothered to drag a popular comedian into a studio just to record him waggling his lips along to the music.

Friday, March 18, 2005

Look Who I've Found

When on the page Ctrl-f and find flint. That right Android me lad, it's that bloke who quit after two years leave, abandoning us to the beast that is the Baileynator and his fascist regime. Oh the irony of his report titles.

Thursday, March 17, 2005

Danananana nanananananana

Brilliant news! Apparently, I'm a genius. Our (Munch & me) history teacher told us that the play I wrote was genius, & I may well end up re-writing the funny bits in The Tempest for a BBC thing. Ain't me lucky? She also said that me & Munch should take our fantastical play to the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. Unfortunately, it'll cost us £10 to register, & doing so will be impossible without a valid credit card. On top of this, & as far as I know, me & Munch are completely broke. Oh well, I guess it can wait. More good news, my Sonic Youth t-shirt is finally here! I'm wearing it at the moment, & it rocks! Tomorrow, we'll be tying Fez up with parcel tape, won't we? Well, got to go now & do citizenship coursework, although I probably won't. J commented on the blog. At last, fresh victims...

Morituri Nolumus Mori

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Some People Have All The Luck

My brother seems to have the birth of a wart on one his fingers, the skin's hard and raised. Unfotunatly when asked about the possiblity of a possible controlled cross infection to me he went all squimish. The selfish git. He won't even let me stick a needle in it once it gets going to try to catch the virus.

I've always wanted a wart, for even longer than I've always wanted mousaka which I got today. For years as a smaller child my best friend was a large verruca. We had such fun, sticking pins in him and ripping to pieces. Then one day he disappeared.

Well anyway, he's asleep now so I'll just stab myself with a safety pin and rub the wart into it. Wish me luck!

I feel so violated

I get a lot of spam. I delete it all. However, I got an e-mail containing (don't click on this link if you're in the company of anyone easily offended) this image. That's right, someone actually spent time making... that. It just seems completely pointless to me. I can't even think of anything to compare with it, it's just way beyond my reasoning as to why someone would do this. Well, that's enough of that. Is NaNoWriMo on in November again this year? I might as well find out myself. Off I go!

Morituri Nolumus Mori

Dear Walkers,

Being in crisps you probably know all about the dangers posed by the neurotoxins found in green potatoes. Recently there has been a lot of media interest in this matter. Popular childrens program "Arthur" has an episode where someone performs a ballet about being worried by green crisps, and New Scientist said they were so dangerous they would have been banned under the novel foods act.

Does Walkers have any policy on the exclusion of these potential health risks from their products? I'd very much like to know, as I rather like crisps, but I wouldn't want to risk paralysis.

Also, if I eat two packets of crisps at the same time can I acheive the same effect as the special edition comic relief mixed flavours?

Yours sincerly
T.W.


As you've probably guessed this is all just a clever ploy to trick Walkers into giving me a free voucher. Every you read here is true, however.

Inspiration was gained from Ted L Nancy's book, Letters From a Nut, which you should read, out loud. Despite sending riduculous letters to them companies often seem more than happy to send him a coupon, and now it's my turn

Monday, March 14, 2005

Can't be arsed

To think of a title. Won't this pretty much destroy our Benrik lives? I mean, it'll start slow, then it'll escalate until we're all completely obssessed with it, then Gaz/Josh'll stop bloging and we'll eventually delete the blog because I've put something compromising on it. I can't invite members so you'll have to either admin-erise me or invite them yourself. Nothing left to say as Benrik knows it all... Maybe later...