In hiding!

Saturday, July 30, 2005

Svalbard the first.

Svalbard's nice, Longyearbyen's got a nice rugged look of a coal mining community, which it should, what with it being a coal mining community with the only coal fired power station in Norway.

It's also full of students walking around with rifles strapped to their backs just in case they see a polar bear whilst hanging around outside the supermarket.

Had a barbecue, Arctic style, which basicly involves reindeer, seal and whale. Seal is crumbly by the way.

Met a big dog named Gorilla who likes to bury cookies.

Bugger to my memory.


Friday, July 29, 2005

I Have Little to Say

It is hard to remember stuff when waiting for a flight. Went on a cable car, ate some reindeer. Svalbard  (the destination) is not due a suset for another month.
Well be good.

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Guess Whom's in The Arctic.

The Arctic circle is a horribly touristic place, full of cars and noise and camper vans and cheesy little certificates to prove to friends in your little life that you've been to the arctic. They had a small museum, mainly formed from stuffed animals, and a video of scenery. The video bored us, who were the only three there, so we tap danced and played our air guitars on stage.
The Arctic got a bit nicer, we went to the world's only permanent ice gallery, kept at -8 centigrade, and you get to have a drink in a glass made from ice, but it was alcoholic so we had to have some orange soda crap.
"Can I eat my glass?"
Bad idea it was, since it shattered, whilst full of fizzy gunk.
At the back of the gallery is a room where they freeze whale and fish, in there it's -30, and ice started to form up my nostrils when they showed us the huge stack of dorsal fins.
After words I had some smoked whale between some bread-like crackers.
A wrong turn was made, and somehow blamed on me, so we got to the hotel at 1.30 am for the second time this holiday, but this time it was still light, with full cloud cover and huge bluish snow capped mountains every so often.
Last drive today, then it's on to Svalbard.

Monday, July 25, 2005

Trøndheim was a bit quiet, but worryingly, despite only being in central Norway, it has Norway's northernmost laundrette. It does have a revolving restaurant though. When we eventually found it (we were warned at the hotel that despite being many feet up a broadcasting tower it was hard to find. The journey was made even worse by the invisible speed bumps.) the floor wasn't moving, apparently because since you have to order at the stationary bar they have to turn it off when it gets busy to avoid accident as the inebriated stumble after the bar.
It's even quieter north of Trøndheim, apart from these really old carvings nothing is mentioned in the guide book for huge tracts.
We're in the first town without a Radison SAS (Farewell same old friendly Norwegian service), so we stayed in an apartment at a campsite, and what with linen costs it almost cost as much as the Radison, and there was no breakfast.
My dad thinks the bloke two doors down is a lunatic. He has lots of beard, and always looks mildly angry and has loads of junk near his car and door. But what really convinced my dad was the fact that he is using his car a mobile hutch for four large rabbity-possibly-hares-things.
We did wish we'd stayed in the slightly posher place, which the guide book said "had grown organically", and was formed form lots of building from various times. We ate their posh buffet and I almost chocked to death on some apple juice in a room full of people pretending to be posh. I can now add reindeer to my "wildlife eaten" list.
Saw some signs in a wood for wildlife you can see, it was all quite nice until I saw the sign for Jerv , which showed one eating a moose. I was scared, but I saw a lemming on the border of north Norway, it was small, brown, and ran quickly, but I didn't have time to pursue.
Today we cross the Arctic circle.
Love and kisses,

Saturday, July 23, 2005


Saw the sign, it's all covered in rusty gashes (there must be some racial hatred towards trolls), and not really worth a two hour drive, however, this road is. It's really quite impressive, and comes complete with all the touristy crap you should expect.
I found ice at the top, huge thick sheets of re-frozen snow resting on hill, I slid down some, burnt my hands from the fiction and gained a limp (I have video!).
My fathers plane spotting meant we almost missed the ferry going at 70 minute intervals, but he kindly drove the 22km in 15 minutes, doing twice the speed limit in some places and scaring at least one driver into pulling over. It felt good though when we got there and the ramp had to be put down again just before the ferry left.
Today we read the ticket, with the tom 8:29 printed on it. Those cheating ferry peoples were going to leave open minute early, with out us, honestly, some people.
Our hotel is odd, it's like three building in a green house, with walkways and all we can only open one window (an inch) and it opens onto the lobby, but four floors up.

Good Bye.

Friday, July 22, 2005

Naughty Glod

I'm in an aquarium, at Alesund (you ought to go, they have huge halibut named Big Mama) in the deep sea section. They have kindly included a computer for visiting certain informative websites, but you can't type your own addresses. However, I found a link to google (thank you university of Aberdeen).
So, I saw a glaciar, high in betwwen two mountains, a behemoth all brilliant and white, with clouds full of melodram. We blew a tyre, which I found highly amusing, and as a result got to catch the last ferry of the day(well ok, it was night really) fjords look better at night, honest.
Tpday we get to see the only "Troll Crossing" sign in Norway.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

More More Stuff

If wanted I can do more detailed posts (with pictures!) when I get home, but for now:

The first leg of the journey (to Stavanger) took about 10 and a half hours, though we did take a detour which the guidebook recommended as particularly fine for scenery, though I think for us the highlight was a toilet in a field with flowers growing it, and a tiny church (complete with graveyard) which on closer inspection turned out to be an elaborate shed (complete with watering can).
Stavanger was ok, and on the day we left we took a hike to Prekestolen (approximate spelling), other wise known as Pulpit Rock. It was raining, all my stuff got soaked, it took 2 hour to get there and the fog meant I couldn't see all of the 800 metres to the bottom. And none of the sunbathers you get in postcards were there.
In Bergen there is only one red man per crossing.
I'm getting sick of being fed on hotdogs from ferries and road side shacks, so today I had a moose burger (didn't feel like whale) and held out for a visit to Peppes' Pizza (pizza is local anywhere) and I'm promised real food later today.
Wish me luck
Love Glod.

Monday, July 18, 2005

ur gay

Rudicus' post about Ronnie Paris Jr has disturbed me. Well, its kind of disturbed me. It's made me incredibly sad, that's a suitable set of words. So you can probably understand why I'm angry about the list I found on amazon (I would like to point out that I have bought a great many things off amazon and that it kicks ass (it apparantly has a feature that lets you tell them about stuff they don't have, but should, although I haven't looked for it. This is made amazing because Douglas Adams told them to put that in)). Unfortunately, I can't think of a way to stop people being such bastards when it comes to sexuality. Damn.

Sunday, July 17, 2005

More News

Today at breakfast I had enough mini suasages and fried potatoes to make me feel sick, but I got hungry later and had a calzone from a paper shop. Today there was no sound of smashing crockery over breakfast, there was yesterday, but presumably they decided the waiter with the broken arm was better of at home.

"I... enjoy toast."
"You enjoy toast," siad Hanne, who, being Norwegian, is very matter of fact about things.
Yes Man, Danny Wallace

I have come to the conclusion that the Norwegian language does not use the apostrophe, so I can not find it on the keyboard. Proabaly because, being all matter of fact about things, they can't be bothered to do all that pissing about. Oh look, I've just found the apostrophe, so now I can't type posh and just sound 'orrible.

Well bye.

Saturday, July 16, 2005

Lots of Stuffs.

In Oslo traffic crossings have two red men! Probably just in case you do not believe the first one, or believe you can take him. It rains a lot. I am starting to learn the language from subtitles, did you know an "r" means a plural, and that "Racing Stripes" is "Fart Striper", note the "R"s.
There is not (Where are you, apostrophe key?) much I can remember to write at this moment, so lots of hugs and kisses, Glod.
(PS I will keep notes so I know what to type next time)

G'day yir eyeniss

Glod sent this postcard to me, I don't know when, presumably last night some time cos it got here this morning. I've blurred mine and Glod's real names and my address because I don't want any creepy people knowing where I live or referring to me by anything other than my pseudonym. I presume the same applies for Glod. I'm going to call him in a bit to see if he still has his phone or if it (or he) has been confiscated yet. Oh yes, postcard:

Friday, July 15, 2005

Map Map Map

Approximate map of my journey (stolen from Lonely Planet). Some of the best books have maps, presumably so the author doesn't have to go through the all the trouble of actually having enough mastery of a language to eloquently explain the characters' relative positions through out the journey. So consult it. Consult it well.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

What Sort Of Security Scare Will Glod's Phone Cause at the Airport?

The other day my father told me that "security will love your phone", and he should know all about airports and security. Last time my phone was seen it was here, and here, but since then the rocks have fallen off:

It has no case, a backing made from cardboard, says 'Arf!' on the screen, the keypad falls off in two pieces, and looks slightly more suspicious when photographed in the visible light spectrum (sorry about that).

So on to the gambling: claim the number of the event you believe is most likely to happen:
0 Glod doesn't, for some reason, go through security.
1 Glod's phone for some reason doesn't go through security.
2 Nothing suspicious happens what so ever.
3 Glod's phone is regarded suspiciously.
4 Glod is asked about his phone
5 Glod is taken aside, and asked about his phone.
6 Glod's phone is refused permission to fly.
7 Glod's phone is confiscated
8 Glod is refused permission to fly
9 Glod is arrested
10 Glod's family are refused the right to fly]
11 Glod's family is arrested.

Claimer of the most accurate number(s) win something.

Last chance to request a postcard.

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

Here's What Glod Might Look Like

In Svalbard, in the style of The Sun (I'll never forget the picture they had of what John Prescott might look like in a bath):

Monday, July 11, 2005

An Appreciation

An appreciation of those 3 little pairs of hooks running down from the top of this boot. They allow the wearer to quickly undo the top section of lacing, and then do it up again, meaning it's sheer bliss to take these boots off, with none of that feeling like you might pull your own foot off.
I imagine that this would also be quite useful if I was to fall of this and break an ankle, though I'm wearing them right now to try and prevent that from happening, but it's too hot to practice wearing my super duper triple layer laminate water-wind-and-lots-of-other-stuff-(but-not-bear)-proof coat complete with zips which open... wait for it... ventilation slits. I also have a hat, with flappy ear bits, and some magic gloves, which save heat for when I need it.
Sadly now I'm angry. Angry that my boots are brown when they could so easily of been black/grey with speckled laces. Why, why, why?

Here's that hat, it isn't white, it's a dark grey-blue, but the only camera I have is that IR one

Friday, July 08, 2005

Zippy and George's Puppet Legends

I waited for days for Zippy and George's Puppet Legends. Then I waited for an hour and a half, wasting time by listening to Neil Young and drawing a caricature of Uma Thurman. Then, when the time had finally arrived, it had been cancelled in favour of an emergency news broadcast on the bombings in London. Surely they could have found something more worthy of cancellation, something that wasn't on at 10:50. Surely more people would have seen the emergency news broadcast if it was shown at 9:00. I mean, I knew what happened and I'm an apathetic teenager, so surely anyone who really would have cared would have known by 10:50. On top of all this, my waiting caused me to forget about the amazing comedy on FX or whatever it's called, thus rendering me Family Guy defficient until next week. However, I have found something that not so much remedies the situation as perplexes. I searched for Zippy and George's Puppet Legends on Google. The first (and most coherrant) link was for, and the most amazing thing is, in the short space of time I spent scanning the homepage, I could not find any information about Zippy and George's Puppet Legends. I hope they reschedule it.

Wednesday, July 06, 2005


Tuesday, July 05, 2005

I have a new blog

Please link to it, oh Gloddy Glod Glod Glod Glod Glod. Glod. It should be easy enough to find, Wicky discovered it mere somethings after I'd created it. Hang on, does that mean that she's constantly looking at my profile, analyzing everything she can find about me, and eventually build a robot version of myself so she can lock herself in her room with a mountain of cocaine (or Haribo) and eventually convince herself in her drugged (or sugared) up stupor that she now shares her life with the real Paranoid Android, and not just some cheap replica made from discarded toilet paper tubes and bubblegum? I'm pretty sure that this isn't the case, but I'd still like to be reassured that it's just a fictional world set up to meet the demands of the evidence I have gathered thus far. And don't make it a stupid link, Glod.

Monday, July 04, 2005

For Ava

Glod is the one in the yellow shirt, who managed to grab the trophy. Damn our team looks motley.

Sunday, July 03, 2005

Things Which Didn't Happen This Week

Dark secrets from Glod's past (and that of his family)

Today I discovered that my father, my father, a balding bloke who takes 20 minutes to make sure everyone is happy when ordering in a restaurant, has been interrogated by the FBI.
It's what you get for being a plane spotter and traveling around America for a few weeks, and never leaving the airports.
In all he was stopped about four times by various security peoples, but the worst time involved him being stopped, frisked, arrested, held, interrogated (by the police, FBI, and FAA), and, worst of all, had his little plane spotting book discovered, complete with his itinerary (all flights, every day almost), and a list of all the planes he seen, complete with serial numbers. The best bit, apparently, was when they asked what the asterisks meant:
"Oh, they're the ones I've flown" he blurted out, forgetting to add the "on".

Look into my post

Kings of Leon gig was good. No photos, but still very, very good. Especially The Bucket and Four Kicks. They really got the crowdsurfers going. Next stop, I don't know. There aren't any bands I want/need to see that are actually touring or anything. Which sucks. I hope this burns Maiden's eyes again. Well, the right one at least. That'll teach the bastard. Christ, this is a short post. I can't think of anything else to say. Oh well. Make the most of it, I'm to be indisposed or whatever for most of August. So there. Tralalalala. Why aren't we allowed to be open about things? It was illegal until 1991 for coucils and schools to promote homosexuality in the UK. Thinking about it, such stigma could have caused irreparable damage to up to a quarter of all UK residents up to that point. And that's kind of bad. And why aren't we allowed to talk about religions freely? A statue of a wild boar was removed from some public place in some small city place in the UK because of the insult it provoked among the Jewish community. Despite it being hundreds of years old and not having provoked any complaints by anyone. At all. But now we can be fined for what is basically free speech, which goes against everything we supposedly hold dear. Why are things protected by an impenetrable barrier when they're considered 'holy' or 'sacred'? And why doesn't anyone do anything about it? Same with the queen, really.

Friday, July 01, 2005

'Oi, Caleb, stop mumbling!'

If you go here, then look at 'shows' (third square, top row) you'll see the tour dates for the Kings of Leon. Look for 'JUN 1 - Nottingham, UK - Ice Arena'. It isn't there. This strikes me as bizarre because that is the information regarding the gig I'm going to see tonight. Or maybe I won't see it tonight. Or at all. Damn.
On a lighter note, I've reconciled with Stoner Witch by The Melvins. It's just a brilliant album, so go buy it.
Oh yeah, I went to the college where I'll be be educated for the next two years (aka Bilborough). And I made a new friend. Ain't ya proud? The most remarkable thing about him is that he went to same Dropkick Murphys gig Leprecunt went to ages ago. Even more remarkable, the former kicked the latter, who can't get avoid my insistence that he remembers. Unfortunately, he may not even be coming to Bilborough which sucks, but he probably will. Also, I made a friend via the medium of Iggy Pop, which bringa me to the eternal qusetion - which Stooges album is the best? Someone, please tell me!