In hiding!

Thursday, November 10, 2005

Such pretty pictures...

I'm bored. I think we should start doing this again. Not competetively or anything, just to make things more interesting. That, and to make up for the lack of activity if no one can think of anything to blog. I'll start:
Simon was sure the zoo keepers wouldn't give him tainted food, but he had to sniff it anyway. Just to make sure.
National shrinkage of chefs leads to increase in food-related slapstick comedy.
After unveiling the southern hemisphere's largest telescope, President Thabo concluding the event with the words "our next telescope's going to be this big!"

Monday, November 07, 2005

Stuff Happens.

And then I blog, of course.

199(something): DJ born, and does a poo which is unusual in being rather dark and verging on black, he also had a hernia, the awkward git.

Then he spilt my Sea-Monkeys into the carpet, and fell over in some nettles, and broke his leg, and got attacked by our dog Oscar so he had to go to a new home, and broke his tooth (twice) and just now...

Managed to stabbed in the eye with a balloon pump.

Of all the freaking things to be stabbed with by our little sister it had to be the pointy end of a balloon pump, not something nice like a calculator in the knee, but in his freaking eye as well.

I tried to handle it myself, but it was still bleeding after 10 seconds so I dialled that number which people dial what was it? Oh yes, I remember now: 999.

"Is he conscious and breathing properly?"

(at this point he was sobbing whilst hopping from foot to foot, so I assumed yes, he was breathing and conscious)

let me tell you something, phoning for an ambulance ("Hello? Help, there's blood, every where...") does not improve the mood, so I pointed out that he had two eyes. It didn't help, but at least I didn't vocalise my thoughts about eyepatches.

Eventually mother turned up, about the same time the ambulance, and lo and behold, guess who opened their eye to find that it had stopped bleeding? "Is that all?" said the medic jovially "Shall we go back already?"

That was the last straw, I really didn't enjoy being portrayed as an over reacting sissy pants, so I hid in the kitchen. But I was called back out to testify against the 7 year-old perpetrator: "It was a balloon pump" I said as some sort of weak justification for my actions.

And after all that work (fetch a cloth, unlock the door, refrain from feeding the injured etc) I didn't even get to go in the ambulance.

Life's a bitch.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

"Avast ye, they be takin' our loofahs! Well, me hearteys, let's give 'em what for!"

I'm thinking of writing a play about pirates. I'm also going to write a novel that's a cross between Naked Lunch and The Krankies. Fandabidrugaddict. Ironically, in what is my most creatively fertile time in years, I've less time thatn I ever have before. Because I spend nine hours a day at college, at which the computers can only be used for school-work, and there's a guy monitoring them all so he can check if you're blogging and deactiveate your account thusly, there isn't much time to write, except on paper, which is a horrid thing to do because it gets all smudgy and then I've got to type it up anyway so why bother? Before college I'm knackered, after college I'm knackered, and during the weekend I have to catch up on the homework I didn't do in the week because I was too knackered. So I can't really write then, can I? Or can I... Well, yes. As of this friday (sooner, probably) we'll be starting the coursework section of the english language course. Basically, I've got to do loads of creative and analytical writing. So that's the play, novel, and all the articles I'm supposed to have written for the college magazine sorted. I get to indulge in a spot of authorial masturbation, and I get all the work I have to do out of the way at the same time. I'm still working on that list (I'll get it done soon, honest) and there's nothing left for me to say. Oh yeah, I'm not going to do NaNoWriMo this year unless I can get a lot done at college. I've already reactivated my account, but I may not write anything. Obviously, I'll keep you guys up to date on the novel/play. And remember, bread is back. Over and out.