In hiding!

Friday, June 09, 2006


I got some new shoes

And some new shoe laces

Pretty cool, eh?


I AM glad at the way things have turned out, at the end of the day

I WANT to fulfill my potential (I know it's around here somewhere)

I WISH I could be a little less like I am and a little more like I'd like to be

I MISS the days before my grandfather got alzheimers

I WONDER what career I should go for

I REGRET not keeping in contact with Glod. We need to go to a renaissance fair, just like old times!

I AM NOT as good as you probably think I am

I DANCE like a monkey on LSD

I AM NOT ALWAYS the tolerant, left-wing kinda guy I think I am

I MAKE WITH MY HANDS because my toes are too short to be useful

I WRITE but not nearly as much as I think of writing

I CONFUSE just about everybody

I NEED to let it all out

I SHOULD get into this whole revising business. Seems to me like I'm missing out on something pretty important

I START when others miss their cue

I FINISH occasionally

I TAG everyone in the known universe, even if you don't want to be, and especially if you've already done this

Saturday, June 03, 2006

The Dic

Read the part about Nintendo's new console. It's just one phallic reference after another.

Friday, June 02, 2006

Phone, you so broke

Today I threw my phone a good twenty feet skywards to see what would happen when it came into contact with the McArthur Glen Mansfield (even though it's closer to Derby) car park. It takes not an extravagant stretch of the imagination to conclude that it rather quickly became four smaller parts of a phone. The truly terrifying part came when it was reaching the apex of it's flight, as it slowed down and I realised that I was never going to catch that even if I tried really hard, and that I was never going to try really hard, or at all. It must have remained at the peak of it's journey for a good few minutes (oh, how the mind distorts) and the feeling of helplessness as it clacked onto the concrete pushed walls of fear into my stomach. I hastily ran to the scene of destruction and retrieved what remained of my phone. Then I rebuilt it. It was quite easy, but then I realised that the guard over the camera lens had dropped out, as had the button to make it be on or off. Fortunately, it looks a lot cooler now the camera is on full display and I should always have something with which I can turn it on or off. Which is good. The back doesn't come off as easily as it used to and it sometimes turns itself off. The '1' button doesn't always work, nor does the little joystick thingy. It's a bit scratched. Photos next week (parents in Prague so they took the camera with them, selfish commies)

A world first? I dunno

Today I shall be reviewing... My new toothbrush. It's probably already been done before in Which? or something (could you check and let me know in the comments please - I'm sooo lazy today). It's one of these. Picking up the box, I vaguely remembered seeing the ad - a group of scientists stood around holding clipboards and talking, and then watching a dubious animation of a giant brush-head removing giant brown flakes (bran?) from inhumanly white teeth on a giant holographic screen. The future, eh? Or maybe it happens now and dentists are far more advanced than the rest of us? Who knows and, quite frankly, who cares? You know how even the crappy brushes today have a bunch of different bristles - medium blue ones at the edge, short green and medium white ones in the middle and dangerously long white ones at the tip? Add yellow rubber paddles into the mix and you have my new toothbrush. Well, kinda. It isn't a normal toothbrush, oh no, it has - TWO HEADS! They look like one, but they can move independantly as they are split down the middle. I'm sure that if I had been brought up with such technology, I would better be able to utilise it, but being used to single-headed brushes and all, any change in form is no doubt arbitrary at best. Those paddles are weird. Hinged to provide movement, they also have these blue rubber stoppers for one or both of two reasons; either they are to keep the paddle in place when brushing takes place, preventing them from sliding limply over one's molars with each passing brush, or they are to stop said paddles reaching in through the gaps in the teeth and causing terrible bleeding/brain damage. Your call, but I know which one I believe. The brush has an electric vibratey type function - living up to it's name ceremoniously - which is shockingly bad. It feels like a normal electric toothbrush bereft of the will to live, as you will be too (well, the will to live part, not the electric toothbrush. Presumably, I mean, who am I to judge?) if you bought expecting a work of dildonic insanity, 'MORE BEAST THAN BRUSH!' but it's actually rather crap once you press the big '+' button. Oh well. Despite all it's perplexing features and ineptitude, it cleans your teeth something fierce. I can't remember the last time mine were so clean. Therefore, I give it a deserved, 9/10. I think I may start reviewing everything now in my usual style. At least it'll give me something to blog about.
I've had a haircut (god damn I'm trendy) so I'm going to post some pictures I'll (hopefully) take tomorrow next week. Huzzah.